"Who said"?

This story might seem silly to post...but i wanted to write it down like you would a strange dream so i wont forget it. I dont know why.

I was leaving work yesterday and through the double glass doors at the exit of my building I could see a homeless man holding up a quarter and asking the people passing for spare change. Although i would like to do more for the homeless...like bring them home...let them shower give them clothes...help them get a job...and tell them about God, I sadly settle for giving what "extra" money i have in my pocket when i can. And not for self gratification...although it does feel good...but for the chance to give them more than what they are aking for...maybe the chance to give them joy. So as i watched him ask each person i put my hand in my pocket for the two singles i knew i had there. I passed through the double doors waiting for his voice.."miss do you..."but nothing, he did not ask me. I kept walking a bit slower towards the parking lot secretly hoping he would notice he missed someone...but still nothing. So i walked to my car and heard him ask someone "sir do you have extra change"...the man answered "sir...don't call me sir when you don't know me"...my heart broke into pieces. I put my things in my car and grabbed only the two singles from my wallet. I closed my door and proceeded to walk back into my building. As i approached the doors i realized the "sir guy" had not given him any money at all but instead gave him a cigarette and the homeless man was now sitting against the wall smoking. I made a glance towards the "sir guy" and noticed he was talking with what i assume was his co-worker in their freshly pressed suits. They both were smoking as well with big smiles and expensive brief cases. I waited for him to ask me...but instead he mumbled "hi" (maybe tired of all the no's) and he looked at me with a strange glare. I took the two dollars out of my pocket and handed it to him. His response was confusing. His big blue eyes widened at the dollars he saw...and he didn't look at me. He took it slowly and said "For who" ..."for you" i responded with a smile. Then he looked up at me with the same strange look that i noticed leaving the first time...and he spoke "who said"...now not thinking i blurted out "I did". I walked through the doors again pretending i forgot something inside without giving him the chance to say thank you or anything else for that matter. I walked through the lobby...waited for a minute and then turned around to go through the double glass doors again. He was still there and i glanced quickly as i walked away..."goodbye" he stated.

Now why did this random conversation repeat in my mind the whole way home...i kept seeing his eyes...and the way he looked when he spoke "who said". The more and more i thought of his life...i could not hold back my tears. I though about the "sir" who passed him so easily with no tug to the heart. I wondered how many times a day that must happen. I don't know this man nor why he was homeless or how he became homeless. But I continued to weep for him. And then i stopped and i thought of a much better response than the one i had given. "Who said"...this man gave me a perfect opportunity to tell him something...anything that could help him more than money..more than food or shelter. He gave me an open door to respond to his "who said" by saying "God said" GOD tells me in His word to help...help you because He loves you and He can help you too. I failed..my opportunity had passed and here i was almost home.

This haunted me for most of the afternoon...as i thought about how much more i could have helped him. More than two stinky dollars. I almost felt like it was a test...which was silly...but at one point his eyes looked like he knew what he was asking...like he knew what he wanted to hear. Which is also very silly. But this brief encounter touched my heart...i felt God close...closer than usual yesterday afternoon. Close like after 3 hours of a worship service. I know it was definately not because of the money i gave him...but maybe for a different reason. And not to bring me glory or praise but because my desire was to bring Him the Glory.

And i hope to see my blue eyed friend again today and try once more.

JM